Did Someone Call A Doctor?
by TheDeathlyMarshmallows
Summary: In which things on the TARDIS get even more bonkers than usual due to the reappearance of Missy, who claims to be "being good this time". (Otherwise known as: Everyone is incredibly skeptical and Missy doesn't understand how not to kill people even when she's trying her best.)


The Doctor didn't spend a lot of her time feeling unsure. But today was different.

Because today was the day she received a phone call from Medusa.

Now, the Doctor was suspicious of this call for a few reasons. Firstly, as far as she knew, Medusa did not, in fact, exist. Sure, in a previous regeneration the Doctor had once encountered Medusa in the Land of Fiction. But that didn't really count, what with it being a fictional realm and all.

So, everything considered, Medusa shouldn't have been able to call the Doctor due to her unquestionable non-existence.

Secondly, if she _did_ exist (which she didn't), the Doctor was _almost 100%_ sure she hadn't handed out a mobile to an Ancient Greek. Therefore, one couldn't have landed in Medusa's possession to call the Doctor.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly of all, the Medusa who had just rung the Doctor had a completely inexplicably Scottish accent.

There was no denying it, no debating it. This Medusa didn't exist and didn't have access to a mobile, yet she was somehow ringing the Doctor and sporting a proud Glaswegian accent to boot.

It didn't really tally up to the legends, to be honest.

"When has anything made sense since we got in this box?" Graham pointed out helpfully.

"Oi!" The Doctor snapped back, "Less of the 'box' lark! How many times Graham? She's a _she-"_

"Did Medusa really have snakes for hair?" Ryan asked, brows knit together in confusion, "'Cos that always bugged me in class. Doesn't make any sense. How can 'ya wander around with snakes on your head? Wouldn't they bite 'ya?"

"She isn't real, Ryan," Yasmin emphasized, hands on her hips, "haven't you been listening to a word the Doctor said?"

A loud buzzing interrupted proceedings. The Doctor stared down at the mobile in her hand in shock. _"No way_ …she's calling me _again."_

"Better pick up," Ryan said, gesturing to the mobile, "otherwise it's bad manners. Gran always said, anyway."

"She'd be loving this, your nan," Graham added with a grin, " _Medusa_ …giving us _a call?_ Brilliant."

"And absolutely impossible," The Doctor affirmed, hitting a button on her mobile and jamming it hard to an ear. "…Medusa?" She answered, a little uncertainly.

"Oh 'aye!" came the thick Scottish accent in reply, "Hang up on me, will you?! Typical bloody Doctor! Here I am, languishing in a cave, sixteen angry snakes atop my head, and you have the audacity to just hang up! Am I not important to you? Have you forgotten me already? Do you have another legend from Ancient Greece to visit that I don't know about?"

A slight pause. The Doctor shifting awkwardly. "…No…I mean, I haven't got anything in the diary except tea at Yaz's-"

" _YAZ?!"_ Came the offended screech from the mobile, so loud the Doctor jumped and – in her panic – accidentally hung up on Medusa for the second time that day.

She stared down at the mobile in her hand and then shifted her blank gaze to her three companions.

Her three companions stared back at her. Eyes full of hope, wonder, awe and confusion.

"Visit to Ancient Greece on the cards then, Doc?" Graham prompted.

"Well," the Doctor began, hesitantly, "A few problems. Also I'm not sure Yaz is invited. Sorry Yaz."

"Oh," Yasmin replied, looking a little hurt, "why not?"

"Medusa seemed a bit…off about tea at yours."

"Wasn't she off all the time?" Ryan asked. "The woman had _snakes_ on her _head."_

"Bound to make anyone fed up," Graham agreed with a nod.

"Well, she isn't invited for tea at mine anyway," Yasmin said defiantly, folding her arms angrily across her chest, "only best friends allowed."

Now it was the Doctor's turn to stare at Yasmin in hope, wonder and awe. "Oh, _fantastic,_ we're definitely _best_ friends then? I thought we were, especially after that cyborg nun incident. Didn't want to presume though. Definitely besties then?"

Yasmin raised a brow in amusement at the Doctor, who'd excitedly leapt forwards to clasp her hands on her companion's shoulders. "Obviously! What did you think we were? Strangers?"

"This is amazing. Best friends with Yasmin Khan. Who'd have thought it?" The Doctor switched her excited gaze to Ryan and Graham. "It's best friends only for tea at Yaz's." She pointed giddily to herself. _"Best friend-"_

"Doctor, can we get back to the point?" Graham interrupted, ever the voice of reason on an increasingly barmy TARDIS. "Medusa's been ringing you. _Medusa-"_

"Oh! Yes! And I've hung up! Twice! Not so good…" The Doctor began pacing back and forth, brows knit together in confusion. "The thing is…she doesn't exist. So, somebody's impersonating Medusa – _badly_ – and trying to grab my attention." She paused in her pacing to give a solemn stare to her trio. "Sounds like a trap, fam."

"No-" Ryan said immediately, "we _definitely_ banned 'fam'-"

"It just…doesn't work-" Yaz tried, a little more softly.

"Absolutely terrible," Graham confirmed with a shake of the head.

A quirk of a brow from the Doctor. A hopeful glimmer in her eyes. "Squad?"

" _No-"_ Ryan emphasized again.

"My peeps?"

"Don't-"

"…Crew?"

Doubtful looks exchanged all round. Ryan actually looked like he was in physical pain.

"I guess it's not…the worst?" Graham said eventually.

"Brilliant!" The Doctor replied, clapping her hands together, "My very own TARDIS crew! And look how amazing you all are! I'm so excited!" Here, she gave a goofy grin and a very cheesy wink (causing Yaz to blush slightly) before slamming down a lever on the TARDIS control panel. "Ancient Greece, then?"

"Oh yes!" Graham confirmed, giving two thumbs up.

"Grand! I must warn you though," The Doctor said, "I have no idea what we're about to get ourselves into. It'll definitely be dangerous and probably super warm. Does anyone have insect spray?" A scrunched-up expression indicated The Doctor didn't personally keep any in reserve.

"I've got some!" Graham replied, ever the forward-planner. He rummaged inside his jacket pocket and produced both a sandwich wrapped in clingfilm and a small bottle of insect spray.

"Graham!" The Doctor announced, flinging a finger forwards in his direction, "You're fantastic! Ten points!"

"Oh what?!" Yaz whined, "Are we doing points again? I always come last-"

"Yasmin Khan," The Doctor interrupted, staring the police officer hard in the eyes, "You have never, and will never, come last in any points system I create. You're wonderful and strong and amazing. Twenty points to Yasmin."

" _What?!"_ Came the indignant roars from Ryan and Graham, but The Doctor was already pulling eight more levers and sending the TARDIS whirring into life.

Unbeknownst to her, she was also sending her TARDIS crew straight into the jaws of her very best frenemy. Who currently had ten angry snakes atop her head.

It was complicated.


End file.
